Mr. Duffy's Official Enquiry
Recent events in the live performance arena have led to an official enquiry the results of which are extracted below.
...
Hair product is dangerous and should be used sparingly else blindness is known to ensue. Pomade is not a reasonable alternative, and for those with unruly hair it's a trip to the barbers or the retreat into those velvety fibrous curtains. Sweat remains a hazard even when the unfortunate performer has few pretentions to tonsorial excess. A headband may be of use on such situations - why not try one of the modern absorbent fabrics? - but may have significantly deleterious effects on the visual appearance of said performer. We cannot emphasise enough that SWEAT and MAINS ELECTRICITY are poor bedfellows.
Calisthenic and gymnastic exercise on the stage is another route to injury or severe death. The modern performer finds himself astride a collection of cables apt to confuse the most ardent of escapologists, and musicians - no houdini's we - are liable to translate this state of affairs into the most vexatious incidents. We are not averse to the physical representation of the excitement of the moment - within limits and the ambient standards of propriety - but warn readers that breakages must be paid for, if not monetarily, then in the reputational and morale based currency on which we are properly understood to trade.
Equipment should be well maintained and cared for,especially afore a public performance! The use of polishes on guitars, to prevent the appearance of grime, sweat or blood stains is recommended for all but the most slovenly of players. Valve amplification is a dark area. A proper understanding of such devices is beyond your scope if you have opted to ply your wares as a musical performer - know your limits! - but at the least care should be taken transporting and locating these machines. Alas we understand that unfortunate malfunctions are inevitable. It is best to carry a spare guitar player in case of uncontrolled leakage of voltage. Do Not try to re-wire or otherwise re-start the damaged guitarist. You may cause damage to the guitarist or yourself.
...
Hair product is dangerous and should be used sparingly else blindness is known to ensue. Pomade is not a reasonable alternative, and for those with unruly hair it's a trip to the barbers or the retreat into those velvety fibrous curtains. Sweat remains a hazard even when the unfortunate performer has few pretentions to tonsorial excess. A headband may be of use on such situations - why not try one of the modern absorbent fabrics? - but may have significantly deleterious effects on the visual appearance of said performer. We cannot emphasise enough that SWEAT and MAINS ELECTRICITY are poor bedfellows.
Calisthenic and gymnastic exercise on the stage is another route to injury or severe death. The modern performer finds himself astride a collection of cables apt to confuse the most ardent of escapologists, and musicians - no houdini's we - are liable to translate this state of affairs into the most vexatious incidents. We are not averse to the physical representation of the excitement of the moment - within limits and the ambient standards of propriety - but warn readers that breakages must be paid for, if not monetarily, then in the reputational and morale based currency on which we are properly understood to trade.
Equipment should be well maintained and cared for,especially afore a public performance! The use of polishes on guitars, to prevent the appearance of grime, sweat or blood stains is recommended for all but the most slovenly of players. Valve amplification is a dark area. A proper understanding of such devices is beyond your scope if you have opted to ply your wares as a musical performer - know your limits! - but at the least care should be taken transporting and locating these machines. Alas we understand that unfortunate malfunctions are inevitable. It is best to carry a spare guitar player in case of uncontrolled leakage of voltage. Do Not try to re-wire or otherwise re-start the damaged guitarist. You may cause damage to the guitarist or yourself.
posted by Joe at 1:56 pm
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